This month's challenge was to write in the form of the tritina. The tritina is composed of 3 tercets and a final line (envoi) that stands alone. Similar to a sestina, though shorter, it uses a set of 3 alternating end words instead of six. The form is: 123 / 312 / 231 / 1, 2, 3 (final line/envoi).
Our theme for the year is "in conversation." The last time we wrote to this form (May 2016 if you want to check them out), we generated a list of words and selected our end words from the communal list. We didn't do that this time around, and I found not having words to work with made the challenge a lot harder.
Given our charged political times, I wanted to write about political conversations, but that didn't go well. I wrote a lot of really terrible poems before finally settling on the subject of secrets and whispering. After some thought and numerous revisions, I have two drafts. I wrote at least 10 different envois for version 1, and didn't like any of them. I tried some new end words and found that I like version 2 much better.
The Telephone Game - Version 1
The message starts with just a whisper
children gather close to listen
as words twist and spark a laugh
The meaning bends and others laugh
as words are passed along in a whisper
each eager ear strains to listen
The end of the line waits to listen
excitement growing with every laugh—
but the truth slips by, lost in a whisper
Children at play whisper, listen, laugh—making indelible memories
The Telephone Game - Version 2
A secret phrase shared in a whisper
from lips to ear, heads bend
together in the telephone game
Truth unravels in the game
laughs punctuate every whisper
meaning shifts as words bend
Children in the circle wait to bend
their neighbor's ear in a game
carried forward whisper by whisper
In every whisper, truth bends to shape the game
Poems ©Tricia Stohr-Hunt, 2025. All rights reserved.
- Tanita Davis
- Mary Lee Hahn
- Sara Lewis Holmes
- Laura Purdie Salas
- Liz Garton Scanlon
I hope you'll take some time to check out all the wonderful poetic things being shared and collected today by Amy VanDerwater at The Poem Farm. Happy poetry Friday all!
"but the truth slips by, lost in a whisper" - I love that line, Tricia. Thanks for sharing your process, too. While I was struggling, I considered trying new end words. But by then, I was just, "Nope. This'll have to do!" Brava to you :>)
ReplyDeleteTricia, thank you for the breakdown of the tritina form. It feels a bit like a waltz! I love both versions of The Telephone Game – and particularly the envoi of the second version. Thank you for the invitation to the burning haibun party. How fascinating to think about finding a haiku hidden in the “ashes” of prose poetry.
ReplyDeleteWhat good and wholesome memories this poem brings back to me, Tricia. And your last line...yes so true in every game. I am looking forward to trying one of these. It is good to learn from you. Thank you. xo, a.
ReplyDeleteGreat job in both versions! Reading the examples makes me want to give the tritina a try (maybe).
ReplyDeleteTricia, thanks for the two tritinas. Since I am new to creating a tritina, I appreciate reading others' poems. I think the envoi for the 2nd poem is relatable for upper elementary students. It would be exciting to see how teams of children come up with a meaning and a new poem.
ReplyDeleteThere are gems of lines in each version: “but the truth slips by, lost in a whisper” and “In every whisper, truth bends to shape the game.” There is wisdom in the games of children. I find this a challenging form.
ReplyDeleteooooh! I'll start with the last part, first. I love writing haibun. I will happily join in that challenge. I hear you on writing about anything political. It's tough to do AND share these days. Your tritina is wonderful. It captures the fun and the giggles and intimacy of the game and reminds me, a grownup hopefully, of the importance/consequence of whispered messages.
ReplyDeleteI saw multiple interpretations in your tritinas, Tricia. In the first version, the line, "The message starts with just a whisper," reminded me that, while the Telephone Game is great fun for kids, as adults, whispers and secrets can be weaponized. (Maybe I'm in a dark mood today? :)) That double meaning is there in Version 2 as well, with such great lines:
ReplyDelete"Truth unravels in the game"
"In every whisper, truth bends to shape the game"
Love that final line in Version 2!
Thank you for introducing me to this new form. Each form I try feels like a puzzle to solve. So much fun! Your poems brought back memories of playing "Operator" as a kid or tying a string to two cans and trying to make ou the message. Definitely dating myself!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Karen, finding deeper double meanings in both versions. The envoi of the second one holds big truths!
ReplyDelete