McSweeney's is a gold mine of humor this evening. Check out Jen Statsky's piece entitled Classic Nursery Rhymes, Updated and Revamped for the Recession, As Told to Me by My Father. Here's an excerpt.
Jack and Jill
OK, so Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. But, listen, even water is expensive nowadays. So Jack just innocently asked, "Do you really have to wash your hair every night?" Then, of course, they started getting into it, and Jill became pretty damn passive-aggressive, and unnecessarily, I might add. So then Jack fell down—maybe on accident, maybe on purpose—and he broke his crown. And, with no health insurance, they were both shit outta luck.
So what are you waiting for? GO NOW and READ!