Back to School with The Onion

One of these days I'm going to remember to put on a Depends™ BEFORE I begin reading a piece from The Onion. Here's the latest article that had my laughing until ... well, you get the idea.

6-Year-Old Stares Down Bottomless Abyss of Formal Schooling

Here's how it begins.

CARPENTERSVILLE, IL—Local first-grader Connor Bolduc, 6, experienced the first inkling of a coming lifetime of existential dread Monday upon recognizing his cruel destiny to participate in compulsory education for the better part of the next two decades, sources reported.

And ends.

The first of Bolduc's remaining 2,299 days of school will resume at 8 a.m. tomorrow. On the next 624 Sundays, he will also be forced to attend church.

Now go read the really funny stuff in between.