The challenge this month was to write in the form of the ghazal. You can learn more about this form here. This is a fairly restrictive form. When I began working on the first draft, I felt pretty good about where it was going, until I realized I was bending the rules far too much. Suffice it to say I scrapped my first draft and started on something entirely new. This one far better meets the rules for a ghazal, though I'm not sure it's very rhythmic. I can feel where the lines don't "sing" together. Maybe this is just a weird quirk of mine, or perhaps it comes from writing so often in iambic pentameter. In any case, this is a form I definitely need to play with.
Ghazal For the Dawn
birds in the garden sing in the dawn
all manner of creatures take wing in the dawn
mourners weep at a graveside
tears sting in the dawn
summer ends, school starts again
when the first bus arrives, children cling in the dawn
candles are lit, pews quietly fill
bells in the chapel ring in the dawn
hens wake up early, eat breakfast, lay eggs
rooster greeting the sunrise is king in the dawn
I lace up my sneakers, hit the road in the dark
feet pounding the pavement, arms swing in the dawn
- Tanita Davis
- Mary Lee Hahn
- Sara Lewis Holmes
- Kelly Ramsdell
- Laura Purdie Salas
- Liz Garton Scanlon
- Andi Sibley
Would you like to try the next challenge? Next month we are writing in response to a quote. We hope you'll join us. Are you in? Good! You’ve got a month to craft your creation(s), then share your offering with the rest of us on June 30th in a post and/or on social media with the tag #PoetryPals. We look forward to reading your poems!
I hope you'll take some time to check out all the wonderful poetic things being shared and collected today by Patricia Franz at Reverie. Happy poetry Friday, friends!
Love all these glimpses of light "in the dawn!"
ReplyDeletethe juxtaposition of dark & light feelings as the light returns in Mother Earth's slow spin - this are moving lines - appreciations.
ReplyDeleteI love this, Tricia. I enjoyed the internal rhymes and the shifting in the last verses from dark to dawn.
ReplyDeleteWhat I love about ghazals is the repeating end-word gathers the stand alone verses to form an experience that feels unified. And it's truly a delight to glimpse that teeny bit of personal in the last stanza (you, the runner). :)
ReplyDeleteAh, your poem makes me start singing "Morning has broken". I like all the ways you've brought in that spark at day's beginning, Tricia, including your own action, "arms swing in the dawn".
ReplyDeleteYou did SUCH a great job of making the couplets disconnected, even though they each show one dawn scene. Kudos! And the variety of scenes, from sad and painful to nervous to quietly beautiful, to your own wonderful runs. Fabulous!
ReplyDeleteLove thinking about "in the dawn!" Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteUsing a time of day as your refrain---oh, that's lovely, and each stanza adds a bit to the poem until that last one, when I imagine you not only running, but thinking of all these things you've glimpsed, and perhaps spinning a poem in your head as your arms swing!
ReplyDeleteYou managed to get all of the couplet "pearls" in your necklace to line up! I had the same feeling of "not quite"-ness with my poem but I hope you see the good bones in yours. All of a piece of a morning, from different times and seasons - simple and effective (and I wish I'd done something so clear). Definitely a form to revisit!
ReplyDeleteExquisite...delicate couplets but altogether one poem.
ReplyDeleteWhat a challenging form! To not only use the refrain in so many separate beads/pearls, but to create a new rhyme each time. Success! Lovely.
ReplyDeleteGood technique, to choose a time frame, and to place the rhyme right before the refrain--that's worked for me too!
ReplyDeleteOK, I actually think this is really rhythmic and should be read at sunrise each day from here on out! Also, I felt like you did a remarkable job of staying loose so that these couplets could be cut apart and reordered and still just sing!
ReplyDeleteTrish, I also like your ideas that happen in the dawn and the internal rhyme. I did not have time to create a ghazal but I am sure that it would take me a good deal of contemplating on the format. Maybe you will take a look at your first draft and find a new way to use the words.
ReplyDelete